first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
