I cockslap morals
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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