The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
