I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
