first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
