the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
