I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
