you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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