I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
