She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
