my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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