so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
