and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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