I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, beer. Big fan.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
