Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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