I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No subtext here. People are naked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
