A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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