I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
