A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
