no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
