Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
