when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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