idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
