Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
