i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
