I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
