I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
