Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
