bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
