I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Drunk is not a location!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
