youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
