Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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