the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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