toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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