ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
