i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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