i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
