We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
