just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
