The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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