Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
