I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
