Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
