I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
