it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
