you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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