My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
