I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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