Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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