He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
