he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
