Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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