I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
