There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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