fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
