I am puke
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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