At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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