just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
