Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
