The maid of honor just puked.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
