We named our party play list daddy issues
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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