My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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