I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
