how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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