I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize