he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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