yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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