I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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