yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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